Success breeds success. We’ve all heard it before – but it’s true. You want to be successful? Study what successful men do. So let’s take a moment and see what men who successfully get past their wife’s affair all have in common…
#1: Successful Men Don’t Blame Themselves
Of course it’s easy at first to start blaming ourselves for our wife cheating. We see we could lose a few pounds, or that we’re not flying around in a private jet, or maybe we don’t “understand” women as much as we’d like, and we start thinking our shortcomings caused the affair.
Successful men may dabble in this negative thinking, but then they get the hell out of there. Self-blaming is no where to live your mental life – all it will do is flush your self-esteem right down the toilet.
Not only is it not good for you – but it’s simple not true that your shortcomings caused the affair.
I know this because there are at least 3 specific things your wife could have done instead of stabbing you in the back:
1) She could have told you she had unmet needs in the marriage so you could adjust your behavior to meet her needs – or she could have told you she was beginning to get attracted to someone else before anything sexual happened.
2) She could have suggested to go to couples counseling to “talk it out” and work on the relationship together with you.
3) She could have left you before she started sleeping with someone else.
Bottomline: While us guys need to recognize ways we can improve as husbands, our imperfections didn’t cause her to cheat. That was her choice.
#2: Successful Men Demand Transparency
When someone cheats, the knee jerk reaction is for them to lie to cover it up and withhold facts from their partner that could make things worse.
But men who successfully get past affairs don’t fall for this – at least not for too long. They communicate firmly that for the relationship to heal the woman has to be completely transparent about what happened during the affair and what’s happening now.
That means her answering every question you have about the affair, and giving you complete access to her phone, email, and online accounts – so you can verify she’s not still cheating.
This is a huge step in her earning back your trust – and that’s vital to getting past it all.
#3: They Require A Clean Cut
One of the most heartbreakingly common stories I hear from men is they think their marriage is past the affair – they they find out their wife is STILL SEEING the other guy behind their back.
Listen, when someone cheats they are in an “attraction fog” that leads them to do all sorts of bad, selfish things they’d never do otherwise. Like lie to you over and over, and even tell you the affair is kaputz…. when really it’s just continues without you being wise to it.
Successful men REQUIRE a clean cut. That means witnessing their wife either emailing, calling, or telling the other guy to his face that things are done and he’s never to contact her again.
Taking her word for it doesn’t cut it – you have to see it with your own two eyes.
And… you need to check her phone and email for awhile. No you’re not being “jealous” – you’re being smart. She should be okay with that. If she’s not it’s a warning sign that she’s either still cheating or she’s become a selfish person. And you deserve better.
#4: They Don’t Let Their Life Spin Out Of Control
In my situation, I was so obsessed and distracted with her relationship with the other guy that I wasn’t paying attention when I was on my mountain bike – and ended up getting into an accident that sent to me to the hospital and broke my collarbone.
(I’m a bit of an athlete and have had plenty of broken bones, bruises, etc. – but that collarbone was by far the most painful.)
Here’s my point – it’s easy to let the affair lead to other really crappy events in your life. For example, you punch the other guy in the face, get arrested for battery, and now you have a record that prevents you from getting that job you’ve had your eye on.
Or you drown your sorrows at the local dive bar, get in your car and get busted with a DUI. Now you can’t drive to work, so you lose your job… etc.
Successful guys don’t make stupid decisions that make their life worse. It’s hard to keep on the straight and narrow when your emotions are all over the place – but be smart, stay focused, and avoid poor decision making.
That’s a big part of your road to successfully getting through this.
– Kevin Jackson
PS: The most important thing you can do right now is download a free copy of my special report “The 7 Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Your Wife Cheats.” Avoiding these mistakes is half the battle to getting your life back and feeling like your old confident self again.
Just click the button below and claim your copy now:
Kevin Jackson is an internationally recognized infidelity expert who has helped thousands of men recover after their wife had an affair. He’s been featured in popular news outlets such as The Huffington Post and Bloomberg Businessweek, and he is the creator of a proven 4-step approach that gives men the “blueprint” to successfully heal from infidelity. If your wife cheated on you and you want to recover as quickly as possible, grab his free report “The 7 Deadly Mistakes Men Make AfterWomen Cheat” or his powerful eBook system “Survive Her Affair.” He’s available for interviews and speaking engagements.