When most guys find out their wife had an affair, one of the common reactions is to want to “win her back.”
But where does this feeling of wanting to “win her back” really come from?
And is it even healthy?
Meet Jake. When Jake found out his wife cheated on him, he TOTALLY went into “I have to win her back or I’ll die” mode.
I mean… it was BAD.
His wife would tell him something nice the other guy did for her (and why would she do that?)… and he would go out and try to “out do” him.
His wife wanted something… BAM… he gave it to her, no questions asked.
I mean, he was on his BEST behavior.
Which is sort of perverted. Because from a logical perspective, we should be thinking “My wife cheated on me.. and I’m going to REWARD her with being a better husband than I ever have before? Are you kidding me?”
But for many of us, when we are emotionally devastated from infidelity we’ll do anything to get relief from our painful emotions.
And that’s understandable.
It also gives us insight into perhaps our TRUE motivations for wanting to win her back.
Maybe the feeling we “must” get her back has more to do with relieving our anxiety than it has to do with stepping back, thinking for a moment, and deciding if it’s even HEALTHY for us to “win her back.”
Something to think about.
That being said, you’re on this page most likely to get advice on how to win her back… not hear me lecture you that it might not be in your best interest to.
So… if you’re hell bent on winning her back after your wife had an affair… I’ll give you one important tip:
Don’t be overly desperate.
Begging and pleading and getting all emotional usually doesn’t work. Not saying it won’t work in your situation, but generally speaking, it doesn’t.
Instead, you need to balance two conflicting attitudes:
1) Yes, I would like you to stop screwing that jerk and re-commit yourself to the marriage
2) I’m also psychologically preparing myself for the idea of you (or me) leaving the marriage, and me being single for awhile and then finding someone more compatible (even if it hurts like hell right now to even think about it)
I called this the HILA (High Intention, Low Attachment) attitude. And it’s a very powerful – and attractive – place to come from.
Yes you want her back right now (you have high Intention) but you’ll be ok if she decides otherwise (you have low Attachment to the outcome).
Okay, one more piece of advice:
If she’s continues seeing the other guy…
…you may want to let her know you’re going to be meeting other women too.
Why hide if from her?
Sometimes knowing that you’ll see other women too is enough to snap her back to her senses.
To recap = if you want to win her back…
1) Think about why you REALLY want to win her back. Is it healthy?
2) Adopt the HILA Attitude (“High Intention, Low Attachment”) – even though it’s damn hard.
3) If she’s still seeing him, let her know you’re planning on meeting women too.
Now… do yourself a favor and download my free report, “The 7 Biggest Mistakes Men Make After Women Cheat.”
You’ll learn how to avoid the mistakes most men make in your situation.
I’ll email the report to you right away… plus I’ll send you more free tips by email on how to make sense of your wife’s affair, figure out why she did it, get your confidence back, and make “damn-smart” decisions from this day forward.
Just click the button below to claim your free copy:
(oh, and leave a comment below too and let me know your thoughts)
– Kevin Jackson
“I read your 7 mistakes. I just wanted to thank you for putting that on the internet. I feel better and I know I have a roller coaster ride though hell. I know I will be stronger once I pass hell and turn into a stronger person… You are a good man to help people after what you went through. Maybe one day I can help people like you have helped me.” – Bill, Australia