How To Win Your Wife Back After An Affair


When most guys find out their wife had an affair, one of the common reactions is to want to “win her back.”

But where does this feeling of wanting to “win her back” really come from?

And is it even healthy?

Meet Jake. When Jake found out his wife cheated on him, he TOTALLY went into “I have to win her back or I’ll die” mode.

I mean… it was BAD.

His wife would tell him something nice the other guy did for her (and why would she do that?)… and he would go out and try to “out do” him.

His wife wanted something… BAM… he gave it to her, no questions asked.

I mean, he was on his BEST behavior.

Which is sort of perverted. Because from a logical perspective, we should be thinking “My wife cheated on me.. and I’m going to REWARD her with being a better husband than I ever have before? Are you kidding me?”

But for many of us, when we are emotionally devastated from infidelity we’ll do anything to get relief from our painful emotions.

And that’s understandable.

It also gives us insight into perhaps our TRUE motivations for wanting to win her back.

Maybe the feeling we “must” get her back has more to do with relieving our anxiety than it has to do with stepping back, thinking for a moment, and deciding if it’s even HEALTHY for us to “win her back.”

Something to think about.

That being said, you’re on this page most likely to get advice on how to win her back… not hear me lecture you that it might not be in your best interest to.

So… if you’re hell bent on winning her back after your wife had an affair… I’ll give you one important tip:

Don’t be overly desperate.

Begging and pleading and getting all emotional usually doesn’t work. Not saying it won’t work in your situation, but generally speaking, it doesn’t.

Instead, you need to balance two conflicting attitudes:

1) Yes, I would like you to stop screwing that jerk and re-commit yourself to the marriage

2) I’m also psychologically preparing myself for the idea of you (or me) leaving the marriage, and me being single for awhile and then finding someone more compatible (even if it hurts like hell right now to even think about it)

I called this the HILA (High Intention, Low Attachment) attitude. And it’s a very powerful – and attractive – place to come from.

Yes you want her back right now (you have high Intention) but you’ll be ok if she decides otherwise (you have low Attachment to the outcome).

Okay, one more piece of advice:

If she’s continues seeing the other guy…

…you may want to let her know you’re going to be meeting other women too.

Why hide if from her?

Sometimes knowing that you’ll see other women too is enough to snap her back to her senses.

To recap = if you want to win her back…

1) Think about why you REALLY want to win her back. Is it healthy?

2) Adopt the HILA Attitude (“High Intention, Low Attachment”) – even though it’s damn hard.

3) If she’s still seeing him, let her know you’re planning on meeting women too.

Now… do yourself a favor and download my free report, “The 7 Biggest Mistakes Men Make After Women Cheat.”

You’ll learn how to avoid the mistakes most men make in your situation.

I’ll email the report to you right away… plus I’ll send you more free tips by email on how to make sense of your wife’s affair, figure out why she did it, get your confidence back, and make “damn-smart” decisions from this day forward.

Just click the button below to claim your free copy:

(oh, and leave a comment below too and let me know your thoughts)

– Kevin Jackson

“I read your 7 mistakes. I just wanted to thank you for putting that on the internet. I feel better and I know I have a roller coaster ride though hell. I know I will be stronger once I pass hell and turn into a stronger person… You are a good man to help people after what you went through. Maybe one day I can help people like you have helped me.” – Bill, Australia

115 thoughts on “How To Win Your Wife Back After An Affair

  1. William, here’s a few thoughts from a guy who’s been through this hell. You’re going to feel bad about it for a while, no matter what words anyone says to you. You can know that, this too will pass.

    It is important to respect the fact that ‘marriage’ means something different to secular and to religious people. What is acceptable behavior in ‘marriage’ depends what your personal values are, and what you expect from marriage. A lot of the heartbreak associated with ‘marriage’ is the result of lack of clarity on this matter.

    If you are a Christian with a strong sense of the sacramentality of marriage, then infidelity is a serious sin that can only be atoned for through confession to a spiritual counselor, followed up by genuine transformation of the heart, and a firm resolve to stay on the right path. Disclosure to your partner is optional, but repentance is mandatory.

    If you are a non-religious person who has had a checkered sexual past yourself and sees marriage as essentially a civil contract, then spousal indiscretions are an annoyance and a source of heartache but not necessarily a deal-breaker. It depends also on the nature of the offense, especially for worldly people.

    If you both grew up in the hook-up culture when you were younger, then you have to cut her some slack for acting on old habits of hooking up whenever a choice opportunity for zesty sex with an attractive prospect comes in view, especially if she was under the influence of alcohol & drugs. You might forgive a drunken one-night stand at an out-of-town conference, or after hours coming out of a nightclub, but if it was a prolonged secret affair that required constant deception, it most likely will happen again in the future.

    Then you have to decide if that’s something you can put up with. If that’s the case, then you need to tell her to make sure that she keeps it out of your circle of friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Tell her you don’t want to know about her secret sex life, but you don’t want to hear about it from one of your friends either. For God’s sake, demand she insist on a condom, so she doesn’t bring an STD home to you. Counsel discretion, and give yourself the same permissions. Don’t ask, don’t tell. You may like sharing living quarters with a woman for a number of reasons, apart from any imagined claim to sexual exclusivity. That relationship is worth preserving, if it works for both of you. That’s my advice for my secular friends with these kinds of tricky personal relationships. Who am I to judge?

  2. It started about a year ago. We started unwanted fight. Once she wanted to divorce, but because of our children she stay. But found out about few months later, she got affair with her college. We been married for 10 years.
    Need some advice

  3. My wife started having an emotional affair with a friend of mine. She has refused to stop talking to him but had agreed to stop seeing him until she moves out. I don’t want her to leave but it is probably the only thing that will make her realize that she does need me. And hopefully want me. Her telling me she doesn’t love me and she loves my former friend is the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I have been far fr perfect and I have neglected her needs but I never thought our marriage of almost 18 years was more valuable than this. I am miserable.

      1. Joseph, you are not alone. I am going through the same exact thing right now. In fact my wife is out of state with this other man as I am typing this, and probably doing things that I don’t even want to talk about. I don’t know where to turn, I keep talking to total strangers on the net about this. It makes me feel better for a kitten while, then all the emotions come flooding back.

      2. We are on the same boat man.. Exactly as your story goes.. Emotional attachment to her male co-worker.. Oh man i wanna save our marraige.. I still love her and our kids.. I may have neglected her needs.. Im so stupid to realize it was too late.. She never told me about her feelings and problems.. She told to her male co-worker about her love for me was fading away.. And i was so clueless about her needs and wants because she doesnt want to speak to me about it.. She did not tell me right away that a big shit is about to happen.. We were married for almost 6 years now.. And we do care for our kids.. She is still in a dilema if she still wants to continue our marraige or she will stop it.. She even admitted to me that she dont love me anymore.. Maybe it is just a non sense reason for her to walk away after i caught her 3 times with that man together.. But she did admit that there was no sexual contact between them.. Only emotional attachment.. But still it hurts like hell.. I dont want to be miserable.. I dont want our kids to take turns for their custody in the future.. I just want a healthy happy family just like we used before we went to abroad to search for a better life and jobs.. Maybe she doesnt have anymore attachment to our kids.. Thats why she felt like a single lady today.. I think i need to send her back to Philippines to reconnect with our kids and realize what she has about to loose in the future..

  4. Just found out last week my wife was cheating on me. Today she texted me and said she wanted to come over to the house and help me clean for her mother’s visit. She also mentioned that she might spend the night. She may be just looking for a place to sleep in case its too late but I am confused. Should I flirt with her and put the moves to see where I can get in the “getting her back” process or just help her clean and let her go to sleep? Or do I even let her stay at all?

  5. I need help what do I do. It’s 2am she left me at home with the kids to see him. I don’t know what my move is going to be….. I can’t sleep

  6. My wife has left me for a man she was having an affair with. I love her and want to work on thing but she seems un interested

    1. If she’s left the house to be with this guy and she is not interested in a reconciliation, it looks like you’re finished. She has made her statement and now you are free to find a woman who will love you fully. Do not take her back if her new affair goes south in a few months, however tempting that might be if you’re lonely. She will just repeat the same pattern in a year or two.

  7. Need help dealing with wife leaving with new man after affair. Married for 15 years and she just left with no regrets or warning signs. She has filed for divorce and was living with the man after 2 weeks of separation. She keeps telling me she has moved on and don’t love me anymore. I am emotionally devastated and at the point I’m not sure if I want her back or not.

  8. Don’t ever get married in the first place and don’t ever trust anyone. Girls are human and a human is still an animal. They cannot trust themselves let alone you trust them. I have just been heart broken by the girl of my dreams of 7+ years for the last time and I recommend staying single, trusting no one, and keeping your distance from any kind of relationship. The worst thing about everything is all the lies. Lies after lies after lies. If you don’t want to feel and debate on just walking out in traffic every day, or seeing a tree and thinking I’d like to just climb that tree and hang myself, or even driving by a cell phone tower daily and wanting to just climb it and jump off. Don’t ever give a girl your heart because sooner or later she will destroy it and nothing will ever make you happy again.

  9. Wow ! There are a lot of guys going through the same exact thing I am going through. Although we have no kids, I am still am emotional wreck. I have a strange obsession to want my wife back as well, even though I know she is f****** another man she met as I type this. I too am looking for help on how to end this pain. We has made so many happy memories, and now she’s just going to throw it all away for another man.

  10. Never thought I would ever have to go through this but I will try anything thanks for putting this out there for everyone jeremy

  11. Don’t know if my wife has had sex with the other guy but she is emotionally attached I don’t won’t to lose her after 15 years please help

  12. found out my wife cheated on me and i want her back…i love her….need help…ive already acted too needy…she thinks im crazy…but im not….just in shock about everything

  13. I found out to months ago she was in another car with a guy. They weren’t doing anything but sped away quickly when I approached. I spoke to both of them and said they were just friends. Later on, the phone calls never stopped I did everything I could to try to save everything. I just bought a house 8 months ago and we have two children. She told me she was done a long time ago with me. And that she never cheated on me. She wanted money in the beginng and wanted me to buy her out. I couldn’t so I filed for separation and listed the house for sale. These two past months I seen text message from them saying I miss and love you. And that she talks to him everyday. I can’t prove there was a physical attachment but the emotion is there. She talks to him in front of my face then leaves to the room. We still live in the same house together. It’s poison for me to come home. She keeps saying she never cheated and they are friends. We don’t sleep in the same bed but we did have sex 4 times in these past 2 months. She keeps saying she wants out. But now when faced that I told her that she will get her money cause I have to sell the house (still listed). She said ahe will be happy alone and the money won’t make her happy. ( but that is what she wanted before). After all this I still love her and don’t want this to end. I believe I can’t win this battle. She has so much hatered and anger that she can’t stop clearly on everything. And from I was told that this guy has a partner and a child himself. Am I fool to keep trying at this and just let it go?

  14. My wife had an affair and I’m having a hard time dealing with it. We are separated and nothing in my life makes senesce without her in my life.

  15. Please help. My wife has finished the affair but has moved out still. One day she tells me she misses me and the family unit. I tell her we will go for help. She says no!! The next day then she could be as cold as ice again to me. I know she has made new girlfriends since she left who are also separated and she is being influenced by them. But what can I say or do!! Nothing. She seems to be really seeking out and making a new circle of separated friends and slowly but surely removing herself from her old married friends. Don’t know what to do.

  16. I feel exactly what you described. I found out on new2 Jan 2015 got angry and chased her to her family. Now i am a pathetic man begging her to come back and she not responding.

  17. I have been married for 11 years and my wife lelf me then 4 months later she doing some other dude we have 3 kids and i wont to fix it

  18. My wife has been havin an affair with a older work colleague for nearly 4 months now . She says she loves him. She tells me I’m better at things and have treat her better than him but she wants to b with him. I love her deeply and my kids . I’ve moved out but want us to work thru this. Help!!!

  19. I need to know if i should confront my wife about her affair or if i give it some time? She still respones to me, but distant!

  20. I went away for work for 2 months after my wife had surgery leaving her infertile. I struggled with how to be there for her during a difficult time. She found comfort in a co worker who she says she now loves and doesn’t know if she can forgive me. I’m not an emotional man which has annoyed her before but I’m now in a deep depression and crying daily. I keep telling her I will do anything given the chance to save our marriage and family, but she can’t let go of the other man. I can’t accept its over and I need to save this. I feel like I have nothing without her. I have no one to talk to about my feelings, and I’ve thought a lot about ending my life if I can’t fix this. Please help

  21. Ive been noticing her distancing from “us”.. She started taking her cell phone w/ her everywhere, all time. Noticed that she would be texting secretely and denying it if i saw her. So, i looked at our phone bill.. Hmmm… Hundreds of texts to one number.. At odd hours, like from midnight to next morning.. Back and forth? It has gotten worse, and now i think she has taken next step and cheated on me.. 🙁 what should i do?? Why did she do this to me.. Not fair.. Should i confront her? And watch it all end?? Please advise

  22. I appreciate all the people telling their story on here. I’ve had a girlfriend of 8 years who is the mother of my child, we are not married but might as well be. I found out just a few days ago she cheated after a few months of drastically pulling away from our relationship. She explained that she felt I had pull away long before to the point in which it broke her heart, which is largely true as I didn’t feel myself for a solid year after having a newborn in the house I didn’t really know I was pushing her away though and was in my own head a lot. She even went so far as to say she slept with someone who reminded her of myself, and claimed she did it because she felt so lonely around me. The relationship is very important to me and I’ve pretty mcuh been in “win her back” mode since. I felt very conflicted by seemingly rewarding her with affection after she cheats on me, kind of degrading in a way as I wasn’t the one in the wrong during the actual event. Either way, after reading some of the terrible stories on here about the length and emotion attachement that often accompanies cheating girls I feel a little better about my reaction, I kind of suddenly realized how emotionally unavailable and cold I was probably being for so long, but the trust is still strained and in some ways I cant help but feel like a chump begging to not be alone. Any comment would be appreciated.

  23. wife cheated last summer. She broke it off with him last month, but she keeps telling me that she is in love with him, but she wants to try to emotionally reconnect with me. She still confides in him and everyone else that will listen. I feel she is dragging along and it is extremely painful. We have had all the problems that these marriage books outline, but never violent or listless. The other guy is 10 years younger and works in the entertainment industry with her.
    We have a 3 year child.
    What the hell do I do? I want her to commit to dealing with our marriage.

  24. I feel my wife is cheating on me, until yesterday she confess it with me. I work abroad for the Last 6 months and until now I’m here abroad. she told me that broke up with the guy and she don’t want to be with me also. it really hurts I want to win her back and I told her I already forgiven her that I am just her waiting.

  25. My wief had a relationship with another man who she says is the opposite of who I am. She said she felt insecure with him and is in love with the other guy and does not love me anymore.

  26. My wife has been cheating for a month now with a guy she “confided in” from work. We’ve been married for a year and a half but been together for 10 years. High school sweethearts, and I want to show her that we have a future past this incident.

  27. I would like some insight. My wife had a present but absent father. What attracted her to me was my strong relationship with my daughter from a prior relationship and that lead to her jealousy of my daughter as well. We have had two children together and the last one I am not sure of(court ordered DNA test on the way). Yup, she is younger than me. Oh, both her parents are so pastors and she is a freak like me.

  28. My wife finaly admited a 5 month affair or should I say I found out.
    Feel absolutey devastated we have been together 14 years I didn’t see it coming
    She says he makes her feel alive and that she is not in love with me anymore.
    We are trying to work things out but am I trying to hard.

  29. Im on the same boat guys .
    But don’t worry , there is a light at the end of the tunnel !
    We are the better ones and that matters . Stay strong ! Better times are coming shortly- be positive , work on yourself,try to be the best person you could imagine, help others , smile even if you have tears in your eyes . This is tough but it will help .

  30. Wife is cheating with a kid half our age. We’re 36 she says it’s because I emotionally checked out after my back surgery and she’s pissed about finances.

  31. Has anyone noticed that more and more women are leaving their familys (husband and children) for what is a fling? I have never seen so much of this and yes it happended to me. They have no idea what this does to the kids. Dont these women realize that soon they will be yesterdays treat and alone at 50 when a new flavor comes along for the guy that she doesnt realize is just using her?
    Husbands have a much harder time leaving their familys because men are taught to provide and protect. Women are giving in to their hormones.
    Currently society is advocating this by telling women this is OK, be free, you dont live forever, you can have it all.
    I can only see that men (including the current young ones) will NEVER want to marry. Then the next “tide” will be all the women wondering why men dont want to get married.
    Divorce is financially good for the women and bad for the man so these women get REWARDED in $ for their behavior.
    I understand men wanting to keep the family together for the kids, they are far the better person.
    Most of these women dont want to have kids again so when the new hottie comes or when the guy wants his own family they will get left just like they left you.
    All these men want their wives back for the sake of themselves and their children but they know they shouldnt be treated like a door mat. And when one woman does it, they brag to another that gets convinced to do it to their family.
    Everyone should realize that cheaters always get caught!
    America is now a mid life crisis, you can have it all, no responsibility state. No regard for children let alone the marriage.
    There is a reason most women wont sign a prenup or anything close to it.

  32. Nice to know I’m not alone! Found out that my
    Wife is having an affair with an old flame from
    Years back. Recently found out that she has been
    Seeing him for two years and it has let’s say killed
    Me. She’s been my whole life for 22 years. Thing is
    I love her so much I need her back. Any ideas
    Please help

  33. Ok boys here is what you have to do , I have and still am in this situation, but first things first is stop what you are doing and step away from the situation. This feels wrong but trust me it’s the thing to do. Then start working on yourself immediately, it’s called getting a life, GAL. Work on yourself , it’s hard at first but trust me it’s for the best. Go to the gym achieve stuff that you have put off, don’t be an arsehole or anything like that, make new friends and remember it has to be real. These changes are for you , what ever the outcome, the biggest lesson I have learnt is women don’t have a clue what they want. If they are having an affair it can only end badly. Be the best person you can be and look your best at all times, be confident , do things you don’t normally do. Laugh and be happy even when you don’t feel up to it. Don’t mope around. You will have good and bad days . This is me and my wife has come around a bit , I’m not even sure if I want her , but we are getting along so have a go what have you got to loose.

    1. That is so true Adam.
      I’ve been married for 21 years and have 4 kids. I’ve been seperated from my wife for 18 months after she sent me this long letter stating why she kicked me out of the house. I was devestated. Not only she told me in the letter how I was a bad husband and a father but also that she had confided in a old school friend from way back for advice. Thanks to fb. She ended up in bed with him. I was absolutely gutted. I lost 10kg in 2 weeks. was miserable, couldn’t think, had a lot of time off work, wasnt sleeping properly to the point I had to go to my doctor to get prescription for something to help me to sleep. Anyway just wanted to say you are right, I need to go out and make new friends and smile alot. Try to rediscover myself. Be happy. Since I’ve been doing that, me and my wife have been communicating much better. We have made plans for the future even though we are still seperated and all the bitterness has gone. We put our youngest boy on top priority at the moment as he really never ever coped with us seperating. Most importantly for myself is building up that trust with my wife again. I did tell her it’s going to take time for me that is. She understands. We had just bought some land and was just about to build our brand new house when the seperation had happened. The house has been old hold for 18 mths. But we have decided to buy a house each and still keep the land and our dream is to build that new house one day. Funny I’m not even sure if I want her back. But I still love her no matter what. Everything you have said Adam I have done.
      Good to hear from someone who is on the same page

  34. Like everyone that’s been in this situation I’ve been heartbroken.
    I just need to do what’s best for me. Very mixed emotions at the moment.

  35. I found out my wife cheated on me, and when I confronted her she went physical on me. We have 2 babies and they were getting emotional affected by this hostile environment, so I decided to call 911 to get an intervention, now she is gone from the house and living with this guy. She is being selfish and not thinking about the kids safety. What can I do to make her come back and start being the mother thw kids need and why can i do to get her.back.?

  36. I found all of this information very helpful, today is our 5th anniversary, and I wish I could sleep all day, hide in bed and never come out.

    My wife is a binge drinker, she stays drunk for 8-10’days at a time. One night in her passed out state, I checked her phone, for several months prior she had been going out a lot with her “girlfriends” and not coming home, she would always say that she had too much to drink and couldn’t drive, our sex life dropped to once a month and that’s when I would have to a ask. This is a long story with a lot more details, but I don’t want to put you to sleep.

    Anyway, I had suspicions that she has been seeing someone, I cracked her phone and found some very explicit sexual texts to and from a piece of shit she works with. I confronted her and she said it was only texting and nothing else. I called the piece of shit and told him to leave our family alone.

    Now for the shitty part, about a week ago she went on one of her drunk in binges, she asked me for help, she asked to go to rehab. I made it happen and while she was gone she was not allowed to have her phone ore iPad. I found a program online that would recover all her deleted texts. 308 pages later (since February 2, 2015) she has been seeing him, fucking him and telling each othe how much they love each other.

    I confronted her again, called the asshole again and told him he was a piece of shit and that I was going to send all 308 pages to his wife.

    I need help, I still love her, she says she can’t work on us until she gets herself figured out. I’m still in love with her and so wish I could turn off the switch and be normal again. I think deep down in my gut that she is still seeing him and is keeping me on the hook until she decides what she wants.

  37. My wife of 15 years and mother of our 4 children has been seeing a lesbian for over 5 months behind my back. She would wait for an argument to leave so they could be together. Sometimes she would stay gone for days without even calling. She says her feelings for me have changed and she loves this lesbian. I am crushed emotionally. She is my world.

  38. Wife of 8 years we have been strong tigether throught the years ups and downs, one daughter, we have our funancial responsabilitirs, she says she stop being in love with and as result she allow herself to meet some one else, i have never flirt with any other women and i dont understand where this is coming from but i know that the other guy is telling her what she want to hear, i m willing to work on out marriage because i love her and my family but i dont know if she wants to, right now we are in the she is thinking about it i already told her iam willing to forget, im sad i want her to be crazy for me again i am not going to kick her out just told her if she wants to leave she is free to do so, my daughter brakes my hrart everytime i look at her i know she notice, sad part is she so attached to me and i have no problem with her staying with me if she decide to leave but i think kids belong with thier mother and loosing them is going to be hard im praying to god she stays

  39. Been married for 3 years we have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. She had an affair with a man at work with her for about 3 months before she told me. I have cried and cried. This morning I woke up and went in her moms room to see my kids open gifts and I see her moms phone I check it and bam the guys number and multiple calls and texts. She says she wants me but I’m so tired I will never trust her again omg I loved her so much. She is besis me asleep and I look at her and I hate her but I love her. Idk what to do

  40. Screw them.. Let them go and see what life is like without you. I found out 3 months ago my wife was cheating on me and our daughter. Well more fool her she has now lost both me and our daughter. She has gone and i hope will never try to return. She is now a mess. She is down to 7 stone, cries constantly and says she feels she’s lost everything. Good i say because its obvious isn’t it, it you cheat you don’t truly love. We were together 23 years and she’s blown it. Good riddance. I thought i wanted her until i thought about it and realised it was just the comfort i wanted. A new chapter of our lives has just begun and boy am i looking forward to it….

  41. That’s exactly what I did after numerous attempts to use the begging approach, and I am loving it. I went into overdrive dating other women and I felt like I am single all over again. I realized that there are more compatible women out there. My wife said that she felt no need to let me know where she goes, and I did the same. I matched and outdo her in her own game. The point is, I really enjoy dating like never before, and I may not even want to give it up.

    I told my wife that anytime she is ready to talk serious, I am all ears. But instead of sulking and hurting, I am enjoying the company of other women.

    Try it, and believe me, you may fall in love with someone else and wonder why you’ve had to put up with your wife all these years. Good riddance.

    Make the best out of a rotten situation.

  42. We all have the same stories with different names it seems…..been together exclusively 17 years married the last 7 (total 24 years) supported her through school (7 years) ,nursing school,failed business ventures worked two jobs multiple times so she could focus on her studies and she tells me she has been having a affair for the last 6.5 months…….total devastation when you give your all to someone and they say they are unfulfilled and unhappy when before you thought everything was all right……did not blow my top kept calm told her if she wanted to save marriage cut him and all communication off…..she told me she didnt know if she could but would try….did not stick to her word got even more involved with him/his family and business dealings…..tried to follow the advice but some relationships are so far gone
    that you wont be able to win them back even if you changed the person you are into the person they want you to be (i changed into a more outgoing social person that i wasnt before that she wanted and her feeling for the other guy didnt change as a matter of fact their relationship got stronger….go figure) Heavy heart but I have stopped wearing my wedding ring (oddly this angers her) and going for divorce…..Good luck to all who posted on here and hopefully it does not end in so many shattered pieces.

  43. My wife i recently married had an affair and i keep thinking thoughts that she may be with someone likemy brother its hard to move on but i love her i know she loves me but shes atteched her self away from me for no reason everything

  44. I been with her for 1 year and 9 months she hides her phone whenever we are together i lost her completely iam trying to get over her but its hard having these pictures in my head of her and my brother iam going through emotional stress

  45. My wife and I we’ve been together for 5 years. Recently I found messages and recorded her conversation with her mother to whom she was telling that this new guy makes her feel so important even though he is not perfect either. Her mother was trying to balance her and adviced her to end the marriage if she doesn’t love me anymore. For the last 3 years I’ve been busy with building our future financially and was doing great but she started feeling neglected and less important than the financial part. I admitted these mistakes but after all I asked her to get involved with me so we do things together but she didn’t want to. I admitted the mistake of neglecting her but the fault of cheating is not mine.
    Her affair been on for at least 3 months and she says they were only meeting for coffee and all the fantasies about him were only in her head. She said she still loves me but feels our relationship it’s so damaged that we can not fix it. At the beginning the shock was so strong ( I gave her all my trust and never checked on her) that I started crying and begging to try again and to get both of us fully engaged in solving it. I was talking with her for hours, daily but she was getting annoyed. I also felt that it pushed her away. She was asking to get her thoughts together.
    After thinking the situation over and over again I stopped texting her the daily routine messages and I strictly stick to the very necessary ones, like when you need to go and buy something. Before ending with the calls and messages I left her a hand written note saying that I’ll give her all the time and space to put her thoughts together and whatever she decides we’ll carry on from there, together or separately. I’ve restarted going out for drinks with my colleagues, posting on fb and looking happy. I have accepted the possibility of a divorce so it’s easier for me to handle the pressure. Dating app freshly installed which helps a lot as you see other options.
    Tomorrow I need to start gym again and build up my morale even stronger.
    She wished me to enjoy going out with my colleagues and that she’s not judging me fir it. I replied ‘ok. I know’
    My state of mind is completely different, I don’t feel like checking where she is and pressure is off, I don’t care, I told her before the note that she can do whatever she wants and that I don’t need to check her anymore as I already know enough and whenever she makes a decision to let me know.
    I still have conflicting thoughts from time to time but is way less than before.
    This new state of mind makes me think if I really want her back and I will need time to decide. I can see the perspectives of dating someone new and to f**k around until things get clear. All of this after realising that I cannot control the situation by telling her how good I am and how perfect I will become. I need to start thinking about some reconciliation terms in the case she decides to carry on together. Living with someone should be forever and I thank her she made me realise that money is not more important than your partner. I’ll let the time decide who that partner will be.
    After all who loves you never leaves you so whatever the outcome it will be for the best. I’m not willing to share a house with an enemy.

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